Part 1
That’s a catchy heading, isn’t it? Sex is fascinating! Not the immorality bit. No one really likes that part, except those who’ve dulled their consciences enough to derive pleasure from immorality. For those who’ve groomed their consciences, the immorality interferes with the fun part. But even the fun part isn’t as fun if it’s been detached from the construct that God fashioned for it, or is being practiced outside the strictures God established for it. Within the construct and strictures, sex is one of the most satisfying and intimate experiences one person can have with another. It is a bond that cannot be broken by human means, and is as natural a joining as the sperm and egg, the admixture of genetic material from man and woman coalescing into a new person.
When certain topics are discussed, especially when the topic pertains to sexual matters, or matters of gender these days, we in the church have a tendency to abridge the conversing in order to avoid discomfort. But why should there be any discomfort? God’s Holy Scriptures are prudent about these matters, but not completely shy. Song Of Songs is the exemplary book. Here is a medium for the discussion of sex in general, and it suggests the importance of teaching juvenile people, as well as adult people, in this aspect of human intercourse without making much ado and taboo about it. Especially for the Christian, who seems generally repulsed by the public mention of anything sexual. Among human intercourse – social intercourse, spiritual intercourse, familial intercourse – the most potent of them is the experience of sexual intercourse, and it’s also the most pleasurable. It is a beautiful act, the merging of two bodies into one flesh, and is meant to be thoroughly enjoyed. But only within the context of the Biblical guide. Otherwise, we’ll experience only a small fraction of what God intended for us.
“You say sexual matters should be taught to juveniles, but what do you mean? What age do we start? Before or after pubescence has begun? I think we’d all appreciate a few more details about that, you dunderhead.”
Of course. I’ll get to all the details I’ve prepared, I just wanted to polish off the introduction a little before the main discourse.
“Oh, how clever is you! ‘The main discourse,’ like this were a dinner and you’ve set out the appetizer first. It wasn’t that clever, and it wasn’t at all funny.”
That word play was quite unintentional, but thank you for making the word play prominent for the readers.
“Blah, bleh, blih, blah. Move on.”
Okie dokie. We’re generally in agreement that our progeny ought to be the recipients of Biblical teaching, that it’s a good thing to read the Holy Bible, and to instill that sentiment in our children. Yet, many of us are reticent when it comes to particular sections of the Holy Scriptures, namely, the Song of Songs. Although it isn’t so sexually explicit that it can be classified as a source of erotic literature, it’s blatantly sexual enough to depict the sheer bliss of joining together as one flesh, a physical and emotional happiness derived from the sexual enjoyment of a lover’s body. And it’s very good, in many ways.
We don’t need to delve into explicit details when introducing the topic of sexual intercourse to our children, but it ought to be done at some point prior to pubescence, in my opinion, and certainly ought to be done by parents of the children, not by teachers in a classroom under the dictates of public “education.” Government influence is too great, and we’ll help our society best through heavier involvement in our governance, instead of adopting the mantra, “I don’t vote because it doesn’t make any difference,” or, “I don’t get involved in politics.” These attitudes are an exhibition of indolence and selfishness, and a dereliction of our duty as Citizens to preserve and defend not only our individual freedoms, but essential Liberty itself.
The recommended age varies, but I opine ten years of age wouldn’t be an outrageous stage of development for an introduction to the topic, although I’m no authority or expert on this matter, so you ought defer to your own discretion. The dawn of the teen years may be a bit more difficult, considering the onset of hormones and all the emotional and mental tribulations that characterize the pubescent cycle. The spectrum of variances in child development necessitates parental decision of when to prepare the young person for the ineluctable temptations and powerful impulses that will affect the yet immature emotion and psychology once the hormone production ramps up and starts bashing into everything. Knowing that sex is beautiful and blessed by God within the covenant of marriage can of itself be comforting during times of sexual desire, and a motivator toward purity. What you’re feeling is good, it’s the Creator’s design. But it’ll be the pinnacle of pleasure if you conserve yourself for the marriage covenant. Hallelujah and amen.
Insuring the child’s self estimation and confidence in personal value as one who’s loved by the Creator is remedial when disseminating tuition to any child. Secondly, the child must have confidence in parental love, knowing this love is inspired, that father and mother are devoted to our heavenly Father first and in all things. A child’s heart will recognize structure and discipline as love and concern, but especially when parents issue Scriptural reasoning for their actions, and not merely “because I said so.” This will set a stalwart base of trust for the child whenever it’s time to have “the sex talk.” Again, the parents ought to determine what age or situation is most appropriate for this talk, and they ought to have divest themselves of any thoughts of taboo or else things of the like, because their confidence in what they teach is equally important as the child’s confidence in their love.
“Excellent. Parents should have a sex talk with their children. It won’t prevent a stubborn teenaged male with rampaging hormones getting naked with an equally unabashed female of his kind, and having at it, so to speak.”
True. We’ve all engaged in sins of youth, although some have kept their bodies pure and holy before God, partaking in the joy of sexual discovery in a marriage covenant. But with guffaws spewed from an increasingly unholy social order, especially amongst the teenaged masses, it’s more rarity than regularity these days for a young person to remain virginal. I’d argue the present secularism imbues an even greater importance in “the talk,” and may be the only circumspect means to safeguard our children against the social declension they’ll be confronted by during their adolescent time in the world. Aside from training them up in the ways of God, that is.
One of the more effective means of inculcation is being the exemplar of godliness for our children. When they observe their parents engaged in prayer together, praying for each other and their children, and for all of the believers, as well as for individual concerns of individual members of the body, it makes an impression on their minds. When they observe their parents’ devotion to God in their speech, behavior toward others, responses, reactions to whatever situation or person, it makes an impression on their minds. When they perceive the joy in their parents’ eyes as they ingest the spiritual goodness and nutriment proffered by the Creator in his Holy Scriptures, principally when it’s consistent and daily, it makes an impression on their minds. These are modes of training them up in the ways of God.
When buildering upon the infrangible underpinning of Scriptural and exemplar didacticism, we can know our children will be quite prepared to receive the sex talk and be warded from temptation and its resultant iniquity. It’ll make us prepared to talk to them about these things, too. And revising our cognitive disposition to esteem sexual intercourse as something that is beautiful, pleasurable, and blessed by the Creator, not something that is unspeakable, will help us to discuss important sexual matters with each other as members of the body of Christ, his church.
“Or maybe you’re evincing a dose of perversity, inciting the otherwise innocent to gossip about titillating topics. Maybe you derive some profane thrill from getting people to openly share their sexual experiences with you. Sicko.”
There could be efficacy somewhere in that presentment, if the Holy Scriptures weren’t my motor. Still, I understand the reluctance to chatting about a degree of sexuality outside the demesne of privacy. It could be a stumbling block for some who’ve lately crawled from the muck of sexual sin. But that’s where we need to utilize wisdom, knowledge, understanding, and love. 1 Corinthians 8 speaks of food sacrificed to idols, with 8:1 being quoted by many, but quoted out of context. Knowledge itself is not vilified here, but the use of knowledge in a manner that would cause a coheir with Christ to stumble and fall into a puddle of sin. 1 Corinthians 8:13 exhorts us to avoid doing something we know is permissible for us to do, if that act causes a believer to stumble. Although this chapter pertains to food sacrificed to idols, I’ve set myself in the opinion that 1 Corinthians 8 could be applied to other topics, as well. Topics such as sexual intercourse. Romans 14:21 expands the sphere of exhortation to include anything that may provoke a believer to sin. Things that aren’t sin for those with knowledge of freedom can be sin for those whose faith is small, since “everything that is not from faith is sin.” (Romans 14:20) Even our exercise of freedom can be sin if a believer falters because of it. (Romans 14:23)
(A correlative verse is James 4:17, where we’re told that anyone who knows what good ought to be done, but doesn’t do it, is guilty of sin.)
The corporate church, and the individual churches, ought to regard their component members enough to level up the importance of sexual education. This education is better served by parents, and by Spirit filled shepherds of the church, in preference over the now secular curriculums contrived by various public school administrations. Not only will children be the receptors of this improvement, but adult believers will receive advantages from sexual tutelage in parity with the younger believers. Perhaps more. We should all be learning about the godliness of holy sexual intercourse, not shunting the topic to the side for fear of embarrassment, or some imagined retribution dashed down on us at daring to even pronounce the word sex.
“Wait just a minute – stand on the brake and then reverse course just a smidgen. Did you just say holy sexual intercourse? As in, consecrated? As in, sanctified? Whaaaat?”
With certitude. The conductor of a traditional wedding ceremony will announce the phrase, “in holy matrimony.”
“Yeah, holy matrimony. Not holy havin’ at it.”
Crude, but the point is registered. However, I have a rebuttal. Holy matrimony doesn’t consist entirely of verbal avowals, elsewise, how are all the progeny cropping up? Some sexual intercourse must’ve occurred, I’d reckon. Which is also known as consummating the marriage. It’s not really a marriage until the two become one flesh, through sexual intercourse. Hence the query, is the wedding ceremony the only part of marriage that’s holy, or is the consummation holy, too? Did God create man, create the woman from his side and give her to him as wife, call the situation good, but exclude the sexy time part from the goodness qualification? I’m convinced that every aspect of marriage is holy before God. After all, it’s a covenant made between man and wife, and it’s done with their Maker. They pledge themselves to each other, and devote their marriage to God in obeisance to his commands. When it’s restricted to the parameters set in place by God, sexual intercourse is just as holy as the wedding, and the pleasure of it is enhanced by the Holy Spirit.
I am persuaded, also, that sexual intercourse within the marriage covenant is an act of worship before the Creator, since he created the act, made it beautiful and pleasurable, and since he gave the command to “multiply and fill the earth.” When a man has sex with his wife, the two are becoming what God made them to be, and are acting in obedience to the Creator’s commandment.
All of this can, and should be, discussed within the church and within the home. It can be accomplished without getting explicit, in either case, and we ought to be abstemious concerning explicit language, particularly because such explicit descriptors aren’t necessary to promote the conversation. And the topic of sex shouldn’t be treated as a shameful act, nor an act that we commit in marriage that wasn’t given so the man and his wife can delight in the other’s bodies. Doing so can drive young persons to experiment in sexual activity, wondering what there is about it that’s so covertly delectable.
Now that I’ve counseled against getting explicit, I’ll proceed to toe that line slightly. The remainder of this script may disturb your sensibility, if your sensibility is a trifle attenuated or you’re simply not comfortable with sex talk just yet, so reader discretion is advised. We’ll be delving into the superficies of a few sexual matters, some generalization, some fact, some opinion, and some instances in Scripture.
Warning! Warning! Sex talk ! Sex talk!
Previous articles have asserted major differences between male and female, according to Scripture, and the function each one was created to fulfill in the present physical existence. These differences in emotions, mentality, and biology, also reveal major differences in sexual expression, experience, pleasures, and the factors that incite our desires and arouse those pleasures. The primary factors are the dominance of the male, and the submission of the female. Before the reader elects to load a verbal cannon with several lengthy diatribes and commence a fusillade at the audacity of my very existence, take a minute to reconsider the reality of gender differences outside the influence of emotion, and especially within the context of Scripture.
What’s the usual position of a man when he’s sexually enjoying his woman? What’s the usual position of a woman when she’s receiving the pleasure of being enjoyed by her man? He’s usually in the dominant position, over her, his body pressing her down . . . you know what I mean. The opposite is so for the woman. She’s in the submissive position, giving herself to her man, acquiescing to his command of her . . . again, you know what I mean. This situation occurs naturally because of all the differences between male and female, and what roles God intended for each. The marital relationship is entirely an experiential demonstration of Christ’s relationship with his bride, of our relationship with God. When we accept these differences, accepting what God designed us to be, our sex and the sex of our spouse can be fully enjoyed. Including the role of husband and wife in all aspects of marriage and family, which are the leadership position and the position of helper.
Since marriage is a covenant between a husband, his bride, and their Creator, every aspect of it is holy, and for this reason, in my estimation, the issue of sexual iniquity is so profusely contended by Scripture. God is jealous for his bride, and the bride who cherishes him will be devoted to him alone, shrugging off any idols to give herself to her husband. This is why God put Israel into exile, turning his face from her and the adultery she committed with idols, and why adulteration of marriage is vehemently contemned in God’s Bible.
Sexual intercourse is powerful, emotional, and splices man and wife together in a way that’s distinct from all other human bonds, and it’s not proficiently comprehended by us. Aside from the type of sexual intercourse that naturally generates the perfect conditions for progenerating, there is sexual intercourse of lesser involvement. Kissing, fondling certain erogenous regions of the body, and so on, are intercourse of a sexual nature. Hugging and holding hands can also prompt excitement and some degree of sexual arousal, if the couple are virile and nubile enough. Although these activities don’t marry the two bodies together, they do fashion an emotional bond, and something of a sexual bond. This initial bonding contains the potential for marriage. The attraction, then exploration and excitement, followed by the mental intercourse that’s cementitious for the nascent relationship.
If all this minor sexual intercourse doesn’t marry their bodies, the young couple ought to be liberated from anxiousness about their behavior, right? It’s innocuous, innocent, fun, isn’t it? Aside from the adjuration in Scripture, “there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality among you,” these minor sexual activities interweave the primary strands that will eventually form the cords which bind a couple in consummate sexual intercourse.
“Erm. . . In other words?”
In other words, these minor sexual activities will create a bond, however minor or tenuous. A large portion of the joy and pleasure a man and his wife can have in each other, is sexual exploration of the other’s body, the experience of sexual pleasures discovered and enjoyed together, and the joy and pleasure derived from giving to each other. A young couple may obviate the climactic sex act, but while pursuing other sexual explorations, they’ve risked the pleasure of experiencing such things with a future spouse. Especially if that future spouse is someone else entirely.
“So you’re a puritan type, yeah? It’s wrong to kiss, or even hold hands. I don’t see as there’s anything wrong about kissing and hugging and holding hands.”
That’s not the spearhead of my opining, either.
“Huh?”
Neither do I hold that opinion. I think hugging and holding hands, including kissing, aren’t so far astray from propriety that repudiation or reprimand will be scheduled for persons who do engage in them. But that’s a generalization, and individual circumstances, such as hormone quality and quantity, or quality and quantity of Scriptural and godly tuition, will be the preponderant influences regarding what constitutes “going too far.” Perhaps for some virile and nubile persons the act of kissing will prove the catalyst that precipitates getting naked and having at it. A modest cognizance of individual sexual response and emotional fortitude, paired with a staunch devotion to God and his words, will tend to pilot a young person along the narrow path, and away from tangential courses.
“Why do you do that?”
Do what?
“Make things so . . . convoluted. Sometimes it difficult to know what you’re saying. Or maybe you don’t want anyone to know what you’re saying.”
Ah – my inveterate penchant for uncommon verbiage. That is, it’s part of my writing style, but I’ll make the attempt to reduce my loquacity.
“What?”
I’ll try to make it simpler. Anyway, if a young person, or adult person, can conscientiously recognize whatever may be a moral stumbling block, as it were, whether sexual or otherwise, and take those things captive and subject them to Jesus Christ, that person may be less tempted and more able to turn aside from sexual iniquity, or other sins. The ecstasy of marital sex will be the superlative reward.
Now, the discussion gets a little deeper. What sexual acts have received God’s approval rating? What sexual acts are forbidden? Some of these can be classified as opinion, or personal taste, while the virtue of some acts are less nebulous. And what about just looking? Or listening? Or reading? The sinful nature of some things are patently obvious, but we’ll address a selection of sexual practices, or experimentation, and some arguments, and then pursue a Biblical answer to each. To reiterate, the remainder of this article could be objectionable to some folks, so rely on your own prudence if you continue your visual ingestion of this thing.
Also remember, the smallness or largeness of individual faith will be a factor in all of this, since our faith is at different degrees at different stages of our Christian journey in this life. If you believe it is sin, don’t do it. Whatever it is. And for those whose faith has delivered them into a level of freedom that surpasses those of lesser faith, do not allow your freedom to cause a brother to stumble into sin. This goes for sexual matters, for dietary matters, for matters of observances or traditions, of dress and behavior, of speech, and so on. This life is a moment of brevity and rapidity, and then comes eternity. So what does it ultimately cost us if we forgo some pleasures or latitude in this life, for the sake of eternal things that will affect our own reward, and the reward of other believers?
The second part of SEX SEX SEX will begin to cover several sexual activities, whether they’re devoid of virtue or tainted by sin, or if they’re disposed to neither. Because this thing has been threatening me and advising that it’s dimensions are looming, I’ve decided to segment it. Part two will be completed soon, and I’m uncertain at this point how many segments will trail it.